What it means to be a Man

Just a quick word about a different topic... my wall is unofficially done (as of yesterday). I say unofficially, becauseI still need to do "touch-ups" to the morter-base and grouting... but everything is on the wall! Can you believe it? I'll talk more on it later in another post, but I want to have pictures to go with it, and there's a torrential downpour today, so the post will have to wait.

Now to the topic at hand: WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN

I want to preface this: I'm having a really really difficult time articulating this, even in my head. There's just so much in there on this topic, and I don't know how to spit it back out. Additionally, I take real issue with the English language. It's lousy, really lousy. We have a thousand words to describe the exact same thing, but zero words that describe the nuances of something - Just take the word 'Love' for an example... but I digress. I'm just gonna throw it all out and see how it lines up, so bear with me.

What does it mean to be a man? That's a giant question, isn't it? I mean, it can be asking so many things, and be answered so many ways. I wanted to write about this last Thursday, but have never found an opportunity to do, until now.

I've been thinking quite a bit lately on what it means to be a man... I mean what it really means to be a MAN.

There's a lot that society wants to impose on us, as to how we should act, be, etc... and just like the way society controls the way women feel about their appearance; there's a clear desire to castrate men. It has gone so far as to make 'manliness' shameful. It's an important point to this topic, simply because it makes this question so much more difficult to answer. Furthermore, I don't want to confuse you, because the things I will cite and point to, are things that I desire, so they will not reinforce the societal stigma.

Like I said, this has been a brooding issue with me for awhile. Wendy and I watched "P.S. I Love You" on HBO the other night, and in that movie, the husband who dies, is very "male". He also has some qualities that I really admire. (The premise: the guy -Gerry- dies young from a brain tumor, and before he dies, he sets up a year of letters, messages, and events for his wife (Hilary Swank) of 9 years to experience after he dies. It not only shows how much he loves her, but also assists with the grieving [and letting go] process)

So, I kept thinking to myself; "Here's a guy who really know how to love his wife... he's a real man. I need to love my wife that way. I need to really think about her, and be thoughtful, and go the extra mile" (here's one of those places where the aforementioned articulation issue is coming in to play. You can be sure that it was a lot more flavorful and interesting in my head when I thought it, but I went for easy, cheesy and straightforward here to relate it to you... there's more of them to come, you can be sure of it.)

Anyway, Gerry's part really made me think, but what really hit me was a single line from a living character, played by Harry Connick Jr., during one of his conversations with Hilary. Harry has been "trying" to court Hilary, but she's still wrapped up in her loss. During a conversation with her where he's finally feeling frustrated that she's stringing him along, He says, "I'd like to be somebody's Gerry". I know that doesn't sound like too much when i write it (you don't really have context), but if you get the chance, rent the movie, and you'll know what I mean. It's a very powerful line... at least it struck me as powerful.

I think every guy wants to be somebody's Gerry, but that made me think, if I'm gonna be Wendy's Gerry, I have to own it. I have to live up to that honor.

The movie 300 is all about being a man. Why? because it was a history of men who are infamous for being real men. You may think it was about war, but you're wrong. It's about being a man. The best reflection in the movie is the king of Sparta. He's proud, honorable, brave, a warrior, protector, provider, leader, husband, and he stands for something greater than himself. The thing is, while he's all those things; the thing that most gets the point across about his qualities?... the others in the movie believe it, and thus it reflects on him. The best example of this is his wife, and the way she speaks of him, to him, and with him. She's also proud, but her pride is directly tied to who he is. She stands with him, believes in him, and loves him. (Behind every good man is a good woman, right?) The men? They face impossible odds because of him, and follow him to their deaths because they believe in him, and what he stands for. They wanted to stand with him, because of his honor, not theirs... but it in turn made them honorable, and they knew it.

So, I guess I'm talking about character (yes, it just hit me). I mean, that's what being honorable, and all those other qualities I mentioned, are all about right?

I want to be that guy. If I died tomorrow, I'd want my legacy to be one of honor, and character. I guess that's the draw to Christ. I think the "father-figure" image is all nice and good, and I think for many it's important... but for men, I think the image of a KING is perhaps the most important one. I want to be my own King within the little world I live in... in my household, my office, my relationships. However, at the same time, just like the men that fought with the King of Sparta, I want to stand near Christ, with Him as my King, because of that desire to potentially reflect His honor and Character, and be a better man because of it... because of merely the reflection of His qualities.

That's strange isn't it? I mean, not that I want to stand near Christ, but that the purpose, the goal, is to reflect.

So I want to reflect Christ, but not just those qualities which are the 21st century representation of Him. Christ's portrayal has become soft, because we like to think about the warm and fuzzy side of Him, and also because like I said before: the English language sucks. I think His Love, speaks of so much more than a "father-figure", friend, let-me-hold-you-in-my-arms-and-adore-you kind of love. I think it speaks of powerful, honorable, warrior-like-let-me-lay-down-my-life-for-you Kingship love. The fruits of the spirit often get hosed down, and washed out be the gooey ones: Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness... but what about the others? Goodness, Faithfulness, Self-Control, and Love - these are the qualities of a King... of a Man. I think that's the nuances of these qualities. They're manly.

Christ is our King, and just like the King of Sparta, He died for us, because that's what kings do.

In the Narnia movies, Edmond and Peter are kings. Even they answer to Aslan, but it doesn't make them any less of the kings they are designed to be.

So, I want to be a King in my little world. I want to be an amazing husband, one who loves like Christ. That means always thinking about Wendy, honoring her, providing for her, leading, protecting her, and standing for her, going to battle for her. I want to be what she needs, not what she wants, and those two things don't always line up.

I want to be an amazing friend. Not just a guy who other guys want to have around because I'm fun, or easy going, or like-minded, or non-confrontational. I want to be the friend that other men go to when they are in need. One who carries their respect, so that if they need accountability (even when they don't want it or ask for it), I can provide that for them and they'll be willing to accept it because of that respect. I want to be a man of wisdom, and character, so other men will want to stand with me because of the example I provide. I want to be iron-sharpening-iron.

I want to be a leader. One whom men, and women alike, friend, family or co-worker, look up to. I want my character to make me a leader... not one who simply demands respect and leadership, but rather one who commands it.

To have all that, it means I need to stand with Christ. Not just be a guy in His kingdom, but a man that stands with Him.

I want to be a King. I think that's what it means to be a Man.

So it starts now. Wendy, and friends - this is my pledge to you. I will not be the same guy I've been. I'm going to be a man. I'm not simply going to stand near Christ... I'm going to stand with Him. The "armor of God" is a powerful image, and I plan on getting in shape with it.

Wendy, I'm going to love you like you deserve. It's time I stop treating you well, and start treating you right.

Friends, I invite you to put me to the test. I vow to get past the surface, and begin to really love you. It's time I be the brother I'm supposed to be. I'm not sure how to do so, but iron-sharpens-iron, which means I need you, and also means I'll have the opportunity to learn by putting it all into practice.

I'm determined to take this journey. It makes it easier for me to think of it as an epic journey. That's the guy side of me. A glorious adventure! I hope you're in it with me.